thoughts

A year has come and gone

and I am now down 43 pounds.  I have been on another plateau of sorts for a while, but it is ok.  I have finally figured out that this is going to be a long journey and although I may stick around at a number a while, I won’t be there for ever.  I am officially off ALL meds with the exception of my allergy tablet that I take nightly.   My gynecologist was very happy about the weight loss at my yearly check up.   I started out wearing a TIGHT size 20 jeans.  I am now in a 12-14 depending on the maker and the cut.  (yay!)    I want to get down to at least a 10.

Some questions that I have been asked recently that I thought you might like to see the answers to:

1. Was it worth it?   Unequivocally YES.  I would do it again tomorrow.  I know that 43 lbs is not the huge amount of weight that I had hoped to lose by this time, but it is still a significant amount of weight.  I have SO much more energy now, and to be honest am saving a TON of money on not only food but also on medicine co payments every month!  It took me 15 years to gain to over 250 lbs, so I suppose that taking a couple of years to get rid of it isn’t such a bad deal.

2. Is it easy?  NO – I still struggle every day with the head hunger.  I am getting better – I think my mind is finally accepting that bread, potatoes, rice and other assorted starches will not be tolerated.  I know pretty much the things that I probably will never eat again.  And it’s ok.  I am finding things that take the place of those foods and I’m healthier for the substitutions.

3. Will I ever have the band removed?  NO, the only thing that could convince me to remove it is if something goes horribly wrong – which I do NOT expect to ever happen.  This baby will be in there until the end.

4. Do you still have problems with the band?  Yes and no.  The problems I have are from not listening to my body.  IF I try to eat in a hurry, too early in the day, don’t chew properly, or eat things that I know good and well won’t go down, I end up in the bathroom.

My band is as tight as my MD will allow.  I have 9.5 cc in a 11 cc band.  I did this for a couple of reasons.  The major one being that  I push the limits with what I can eat.  This is my way of keeping myself from eating the starches and carbs.  With the band this tight, they will NOT go through.  If I order chicken fingers, I have to pick the breading off or I can’t eat them.   So now I just get grilled chicken and I’m good.   When I hit goal weight I *may* have a tiny bit taken out, but I don’t expect to make any changes for a long time.

If YOU have any questions – please comment or email them to me at tricia.gilliland@gmail.com and I’ll try to post the answers here.

My journey so far in photos – yes I realize nearly every one is me riding.  Evidently that is the only time anyone can take a photo of me cause I usually run from the camera!  LOL

Sept 2011

Oct 2011

Jan 23, 2012

March 11, 2012

May 2012

August 2012

Sept 30, 2012

sept 30 2012

Oct 3, 2012

 

November 11, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

Dec 9, 2012

Categories: bariatric, celebrate, cooking, diabetes, diet, food, healthy, high blood pressure, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | 2 Comments

Seem to have hit another plateau of sorts

 

I have noticed over the years that I seem to have a problem every fall.  I call it my “Bear Gene”.  My body tells me that I MUST EAT EAT EAT.  I am always hungry and eating and sleeping are both always on my mind or sitting on the fringe of my thoughts waiting to jump back to the fore front.   Is there a scientific explanation to this?  I don’t know – what I do know is it IS real and it does happen to me EVERY single year for as long as I can remember.    Add into this equation that I have been battling a cold/sinus infection for the last 2 weeks, and you can easily see that the weight loss has stopped.  I actually gained back 2 pounds.    It came to mind this morning that maybe it is my body’s way of trying to maintain temperature since the temperature outdoors is dropping.   Perhaps I should drink more warm things, decaf coffee and herbal teas – things of that sort.  I do love a good coffee with some of the flavored creamer in the mornings.  Does anyone have suggestions of herbal teas that are good?  I’ve never been a hot tea drinker, after all I was raised and live in Alabama – home of Sweet Iced Tea.  *wink*

 

 

 

Categories: atkins, bariatric, diet, food, healthy, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | Leave a comment

Drumroll please

 

 

As of this morning, I am down a total of  37 pounds!!!!!   251 starting weight / 214 this morning.    I am so freaking excited I can hardly contain myself!!!!!     I know I keep saying this, but I haven’t been this thin in over 10 years!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: bariatric, celebrate, diet, healthy, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | 1 Comment

Will I EVER learn???

One of my favorite things to eat has always been crescent rolls – cooked a bit crispy on the outside and tender flaky on the inside.  Hubby also likes them, so I decided to cook some for dinner.   And – then- actually thought I could eat one KNOWING full well that I have 9.5cc in this band and that this band does NOT DO BREAD.   hahahahahahaha

No it wasn’t funny.  Believe it or not, I actually got most of it down, ate the crispy flaky outside first and was slow and careful.  Waited 10 minutes and no sign of sticking or distress.   Then got brave stupid and ate the innards.    It was really flaky and doughy – just like I love it……   Somebody slap me PLEASE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then the love story turned UGLY – violently ugly…  *sigh*    Why on earth I thought I could get away with that I don’t understand.  What can’t go down MUST come up, and come up it did……  ugh

 

I haven’t gotten on the scales today.  I’ll do that in the morning and let ya know the results.

I also put on a bathing suit today for the first time in probably 10 years.  Of course I wasn’t pleased with how I looked, but I must say I wasn’t nearly as Shamu like as I feared I would be.  🙂

NO you  don’t get a pic of me in a bathing suit either! LOL  As my friend Kathy says, I couldn’t afford to pay for your therapy.   I finally got the pond water and critters drained out of Jim’s pool.  Cleaned it well, refilled, tested, shocked, chlorinated, algaecide, softener and now it’s ready to swim.  Chris and I had a nice swim this evening.  It was nice to be together without the TV, phone, or any other people around and be able to just enjoy being playful.  🙂

 

Later y’all!

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, food, healthy, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | Leave a comment

WOW

What a difference this fill has made!!!  I am down 10 lbs in 1 week. At this rate, I’ll be skinny in no time!  LOL

I know it’s not healthy to loose this fast, so no lectures, ok?  But it sure is nice to be surprised pleasantly every time I step on the scales.  I am eating literally next to nothing.  I just -am-not-hungry- , and that’s a GREAT thing.  🙂   I AM drinking Ensure protein shakes – milk chocolate please, and they are quite tasty.  Still getting my vitamins every morning, so I think I’m doing ok.   I have lost 33% of the weight I want to lose.  1/3 of the way there!!!!  Whoop!

I go back in September, and *may* or may not let them take some out.  Probably not.  LOL   It is SO nice to be finally going in the right direction again.  I was all but ready to give up.   Won’t make it in time to wear a bikini this summer, but maybe next (YEAH RIGHT!!  LOL).

OH YEAH – almost forgot to tell you this – I am 100% off blood pressure meds – YEE HAW!  That’s $90 in my pocket a month that I’m not spending on meds!  cha ching!  Camping money, tack money, and later on NEW WARDROBE money!!  For now I’ll just wear everything baggy.

Came back to add this.  I promised when I started this blog to tell it all – good, bad and ugly.  Well the bad/ugly side of my current situation is that I’m having to learn HOW to eat and drink all over yet again.  I MUST take teeny bits of food or liquid in at a time.   I came inside yesterday and was very thirsty and forgot about the tightness of the band.  Turned up an Orange Vitamin water (my favorite drink of all time) and chugged it.  Instantaneous eject is all I am going to say.  It had to go somewhere and it couldn’t go down fast enough so it came back up.  Out my nose, mouth and it even felt like it was coming out my ears!  LOL  Not really, but it was pretty explosive.    As long as I take my time and lots of it, everything is ok, but the second I try to eat like I have for 43 years, the band says “Hey sister, you AIN’T eating like that anymore” and rejects whatever I’m trying to cram down my gullet…..  That can be painful and unpleasant.

BUT, I knew it wasn’t going to be all roses, sunshine and fairy farts when I signed up for this.

 

Looking back over the past 8 months, I only have one regret and that is not being more adamant at the Dr office that I wanted more fluid.   I let them sort of guide me because I thought they ‘knew best’.  I have come to realize that this band is NOT a one size/fill fits all and that *I* know how I feel and am the one who lives with this band every day, not the people in the Dr office.

So now I’m HAPPY again.  I’m back on my path.

Categories: bariatric, healthy, high blood pressure, impatient, journal, lap band, life, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts | 2 Comments

The Verdict….

Not slipped and as far as they can tell from the barium swallow, no leakage.

The barium wasn’t fun, but it was not too bad either.  Just stood there in front of an xray machine drinking chalky stuff mixed with some fruity liquid while the Xray Dr watched.  No biggie.

He said he could see the band and it is in place.  He also said the fluid was going through much faster than he expected it to go with the band in place.  SO – over to Dr Schmitt office to find out the final verdict.

They did an ultrasound and said everything looked good there.  Then the nurse practitioner came in and drew out all the fluid.  I couldn’t see the syringe to tell exactly how much fluid measured, but she said it had 8cc.  I was supposed to have 8.5cc.  She made the comment that IF the band was leaking, they would expect to see very little to no fluid in the band.  She said it is possible that some ‘may’ have evaporated.  (I don’t know if I buy that or not).  She put in all new fluid, and I did see the measurement on it 9.5cc.  She was very worried that it would now be too tight.  I am to be really careful this weekend and have only liquids for a day or two then soft stuff in teeny amounts.

On the way home I was thinking and wondering if maybe they had made a mistake in writing down how much they have given me over time.   But it still doesn’t explain why I had really good restriction after the last fill and then lately have felt almost none.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

Right now I’m sipping a protein shake and I can tell a good difference.  I am over 8 months into this and really thought that by now would be so much farther along.   I am hoping that it is right this time.  My plan for now is to really be careful with my protein and make sure I get the 60 gms that I need (I’ve been lax about that), and as soon as it cools down start back hitting the track in the evenings.

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, healthy, journal, lap band, liquid diet, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | Leave a comment

It’s been a month

Since I’ve been here.  I’ve been in a bit of a funk diet wise.  Yes, I’m still eating healthy for the most part and with the days being longer, I’m getting a good bit more exercise.  Most nights I get home from work and don’t even go in the house until almost dark.  I’ve been riding the horses and camping a lot – all of which leaves almost NO down time to blog or read or even surf the internet much any more.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I sat down to just watch a TV show!  lol

On the weight loss front, I was at a stand still for 3 weeks.  Didn’t go up or down by even a half pound.  It was extremely frustrating.  Then when I quit stressing about it, I dropped 4 lbs in 2 days.  Yes that’s right between this past Friday morning and Sunday morning I dropped 4.  Yes I got on and off and on and off that scale (which mocks me mercilessly), it said the same thing every time.  I even drug hubby in and made him get on just to be SURE that it wasn’t broken.  (digital scale) It’s not broken, it’s telling the truth!  🙂

And hubby it seems has dropped from a 36 inch waist down to a 32 in two months.   *sigh*  It is just NOT fair!!

I am starting to see the weight loss in little areas that are completely unexpected.  When riding Saturday, it felt like my riding boots were flopping around on my feet.  I am down a full pants size and wearing things that I haven’t worn in a long time.  Looks like both hubby and I will need a new wardrobe soon!

 

 

Me and Dusty tackling the rock fields last Saturday at the Walls of Jericho

 

 

 

me and Patches at Bankhead National Forest – 03/31/12

 

 

Feb 26  Bankhead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, exercise, healthy, high blood pressure, hypertension, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

1/5th

It just hit me out of the blue today that I am 1/5 of the way to my goal weight of 150.  Thinking about it like that makes it seem SO much closer and more attainable.  When you think about losing 100 or even 80 lbs – it seems overwhelming.  Well in my mind it does anyway.

 

 

So the next goal is the next 20 to bring me to 2/5 of the way there.   🙂

 

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, journal, lap band, life, struggle, stubborn, thoughts | 2 Comments

Oh dear….

I haven’t been here in like forever…..  I apologize for my lack of participation in the cyber blogging/writing world.  Life has been extremely busy for me and sometimes I honestly expect to meet myself coming around a corner!

The good news is that since my last visit to Dr Schmitt’s office on Feb 6, I have lost a total of 8 lbs.  Not too shabby I suppose.  I have been REALLY trying to eat right.  So I guess it is working.  I begged the nurse to give me just a little more fluid but she said if it ain’t broke she isn’t fixing it…….  grrrrrrr……  I’m gonna have to work a LOT harder if I’m going to get into a shorts or swimsuit body by summer.    *sigh*   I guess the best things in life are worth working for, eh?

I am eating a lot more fruit and raw veggies.  I haven’t had beef in – well I don’t remember the last time I had beef – I have been substituting ground turkey for ground beef in our veggie soup.  I have been eating chicken, and an occasional egg, sometimes a little fish or shrimp.  I had fish tacos at a local restaurant a few weeks back and LOVED LOVED LOVED them.   I am not eating bread any more with the exception of some cracker things called Wasa bread.  One or two of those a day is satisfying my carb craving.  Lunch every day is a green salad with cubed grilled chicken and fruit.  Oh yeah, I’ve been eating blue berries every day too.  I expect any morning to get up and see my skin turning Smurf blue!

The bad news is that I’ve now lost enough that my underwear is starting to sag on me and I go around pulling up my jeans.  It is terribly irritating, and I can’t ever think to put a belt on.  Of course I could get some thongs and be in style with my pants drooping past my butt!

 

Errrr, maybe NOT!!!!!

 

It won’t be long and I’ll be looking for another size smaller clothes – I guess that’s a good thing, lol

 

Anyway, peace love and healthy living to you all!

 

 

Categories: atkins, bariatric, diet, exercise, healthy, high blood pressure, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | 4 Comments

I’m deleting my old myspace profile and came across this

It was a repost from back in 2009.  I honestly don’t remember who wrote it, but I personally think it’s timeless……

 

Posted by a friend on her Facebook blog…..

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are not Cinderella and he is not Prince Charming and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn’t weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 2 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that you aren’t being punished, it’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every possibility.

Categories: bariatric, diet, exercise, musings, Obesity, personal, struggle, thoughts | Leave a comment

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