The Scale is holding steady………….. grumble……….
I have always been stubborn. From birth according to my parents. But you know, here lately I’m discovering that maybe it’s not a personality trait, but who I am in every single cell of my body. I am eating much much less food than my body needs, yet it still hangs on to the weight. Yes – I am walking a lot more, so maybe it’s a trade off at this point of fat for muscle, but I find that hard to believe. It is much more likely that I am stubborn on the cellular level. Could that be possible? Could this be the reason that my body keeps hanging on even though I am basically trying to starve it? I know that eventually it MUST yield up the fat and set about restructuring. There is NO way that it can continue day after day of this with no progress. I didn’t measure my body before the surgery, so I have no ‘inches’ numbers to work off of, so I need to dig my measuring tape out and take care of that. My jeans are getting looser, and my husband and friends both say that they see some loss in my face. So maybe it’s happening, albeit on a s-l-o-w non-scale numbers pace.
One other thing that I am is impatient. I can’t wait for anything. If I want something, I want it NOW. I’ve never been good at waiting around for anything. I tend to rush through stuff, and maybe I miss some good things by being this way. But it’s who I am and after 42 years, I’ve found it is impossible to change that. Why wait for tomorrow when you can get something done and over with TODAY?? I keep finding myself thinking : OK, I made it through all of the hoops, got the surgery, and now why aren’t the pounds just melting away??? Deep down I know it is going to take time, and PATIENCE with my body, after all I didn’t gain 100 lbs in a month! But it is hard, it already seems like the surgery was months ago, rather than the 21 days ago that it really was. Maybe I psychologically set myself up for disappointment by not considering the time it is going to take to actually watch the weight come off. I really didn’t think much about the time between surgery and goal weight and consider that it would be quite a while.
At this point perhaps I need to sit down and lay out some long term goals. Or maybe I need to quit obsessing and just LIVE from day to day making good food choices, exercising and drinking my water. My body MUST eventually yield to the diet, it can’t keep hanging onto the extra pounds, it’s just physically not possible. I am trying to make myself slow down and be more aware of my body and the effects of food, exercise and emotions. This is difficult, after all I have been sort of on Auto Pilot with my bodily functions all my life. And I’m pretty sure that’s normal for most everybody, except maybe a scientist or some type of professional.
So today’s little tiny goal is to drink, drink, drink. This is still the one thing that I struggle with on an hourly basis. You know, I add salt to my horse’s diet to make them drink in times of extreme heat or extreme cold. Maybe I need to really salt my food? And you know, I’m not using salt these days like I used to, and am not eating the salty food I used to eat. Maybe that’s something I need to consider.
Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts this morning. I hope you have a wonderful day.