whine

Will I EVER learn???

One of my favorite things to eat has always been crescent rolls – cooked a bit crispy on the outside and tender flaky on the inside.  Hubby also likes them, so I decided to cook some for dinner.   And – then- actually thought I could eat one KNOWING full well that I have 9.5cc in this band and that this band does NOT DO BREAD.   hahahahahahaha

No it wasn’t funny.  Believe it or not, I actually got most of it down, ate the crispy flaky outside first and was slow and careful.  Waited 10 minutes and no sign of sticking or distress.   Then got brave stupid and ate the innards.    It was really flaky and doughy – just like I love it……   Somebody slap me PLEASE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then the love story turned UGLY – violently ugly…  *sigh*    Why on earth I thought I could get away with that I don’t understand.  What can’t go down MUST come up, and come up it did……  ugh

 

I haven’t gotten on the scales today.  I’ll do that in the morning and let ya know the results.

I also put on a bathing suit today for the first time in probably 10 years.  Of course I wasn’t pleased with how I looked, but I must say I wasn’t nearly as Shamu like as I feared I would be.  🙂

NO you  don’t get a pic of me in a bathing suit either! LOL  As my friend Kathy says, I couldn’t afford to pay for your therapy.   I finally got the pond water and critters drained out of Jim’s pool.  Cleaned it well, refilled, tested, shocked, chlorinated, algaecide, softener and now it’s ready to swim.  Chris and I had a nice swim this evening.  It was nice to be together without the TV, phone, or any other people around and be able to just enjoy being playful.  🙂

 

Later y’all!

 

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Categories: bariatric, diet, food, healthy, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | Leave a comment

The Verdict….

Not slipped and as far as they can tell from the barium swallow, no leakage.

The barium wasn’t fun, but it was not too bad either.  Just stood there in front of an xray machine drinking chalky stuff mixed with some fruity liquid while the Xray Dr watched.  No biggie.

He said he could see the band and it is in place.  He also said the fluid was going through much faster than he expected it to go with the band in place.  SO – over to Dr Schmitt office to find out the final verdict.

They did an ultrasound and said everything looked good there.  Then the nurse practitioner came in and drew out all the fluid.  I couldn’t see the syringe to tell exactly how much fluid measured, but she said it had 8cc.  I was supposed to have 8.5cc.  She made the comment that IF the band was leaking, they would expect to see very little to no fluid in the band.  She said it is possible that some ‘may’ have evaporated.  (I don’t know if I buy that or not).  She put in all new fluid, and I did see the measurement on it 9.5cc.  She was very worried that it would now be too tight.  I am to be really careful this weekend and have only liquids for a day or two then soft stuff in teeny amounts.

On the way home I was thinking and wondering if maybe they had made a mistake in writing down how much they have given me over time.   But it still doesn’t explain why I had really good restriction after the last fill and then lately have felt almost none.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

Right now I’m sipping a protein shake and I can tell a good difference.  I am over 8 months into this and really thought that by now would be so much farther along.   I am hoping that it is right this time.  My plan for now is to really be careful with my protein and make sure I get the 60 gms that I need (I’ve been lax about that), and as soon as it cools down start back hitting the track in the evenings.

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, healthy, journal, lap band, liquid diet, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | Leave a comment

5 days and counting

until my first fill.  I am SO ready.

In all the pre-op counseling, NOT ONE Person mentioned that after surgery it would be an epic battle until you hit the ‘sweet spot’ of having the magic amount of fluid in the band.  I really thought that everything would be hunky dory after surgery and I would go on my merry little way losing weight to the left and right .

Not so.

 

I promised to tell it all in this blog and I hope that this post doesn’t discourage anyone from doing what is right for their body.  But at this point I find myself *almost* regretting not doing one of the other surgeries.  Simply because of the fact that there is no “waiting” period with them for the weight to slide off.   There is no tinkering around with a tool to make it work.

*grumble*

As I’ve told you all before, I am NOT a patient person, and this waiting for a fill has been difficult for me to accept.   I understand that there are probably very good reasons why my surgeon does not give a fill for so long, but when I read on internet BB’s and blogs that other folks got fluid from the get go……  Well it pisses me off!  Things are NOT going according to my master plan at this point.  Sometimes the thought of just giving up pops into my head, but I quickly squash that before it takes root and infests my thoughts.   I can not turn back now, I’ve come too far and it would truly be a shame to give up when I’m (hopefully) on the very edge of the downhill (down weight?) slide.

So keep me in your thoughts these next few days and hope with me that the first fill will go good and will WORK.  That’s all I ask, is to see SOME difference in the scale.

I am doing everything right.  I am walking almost every day, I am eating decent, and I am finally drinking close to the recommended amount.    A little reward for my diligence is all I ask. 🙂

 

Happy Thursday!

 

Categories: bariatric, diet, food, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, realize band, struggle, thoughts, weight loss, whine | 7 Comments

Stubborn body

The Scale is holding steady…………..   grumble……….


I have always been stubborn.  From birth according to my parents.  But you know, here lately I’m discovering that maybe it’s not a personality trait, but who I am in every single cell of my body.   I am eating much much less food than my body needs, yet it still hangs on to the weight.  Yes – I am walking a lot more, so maybe it’s a trade off at this point of fat for muscle, but I find that hard to believe.   It is much more likely that I am stubborn on the cellular level.   Could that be possible?  Could this be the reason that my body keeps hanging on even though I am basically trying to starve it?   I know that eventually it MUST yield up the fat and set about restructuring.  There is NO way that it can continue day after day of this with no progress.  I didn’t measure my body before the surgery, so I have no ‘inches’ numbers to work off of, so I  need to dig my measuring tape out and take care of that.  My jeans are getting looser, and my husband and friends both say that they see some loss in my face.  So maybe it’s happening, albeit on a s-l-o-w non-scale numbers pace.

One other thing that I am is impatient.  I can’t wait for anything.  If I want something, I want it NOW.  I’ve never been good at waiting around for anything.  I tend to rush through stuff, and maybe I miss some good things by being this way.  But it’s who I am and after 42 years, I’ve found it is impossible to change that.  Why wait for tomorrow when you can get something done and over with TODAY??  I keep finding myself thinking :  OK, I made it through all of the hoops, got the surgery, and now why aren’t the pounds just melting away???  Deep down I know it is going to take time, and PATIENCE with my body, after all I didn’t gain 100 lbs in a month!  But it is hard, it already seems like the surgery was months ago, rather than the 21 days ago that it really was.    Maybe I psychologically set myself up for disappointment by not considering the time it is going to take to actually watch the weight come off.  I really didn’t think much about the time between surgery and goal weight and consider that it would be quite a while.

At this point perhaps I need to sit down and lay out some long term goals.  Or maybe I need to quit obsessing and just LIVE from day to day making good food choices, exercising and drinking my water.  My body MUST eventually yield to the diet, it can’t keep hanging onto the extra pounds, it’s just physically not possible.  I am trying to make myself slow down and be more aware of my body and the effects of food, exercise and emotions.  This is difficult, after all I have been sort of on Auto Pilot with my bodily functions all my life.  And I’m pretty sure that’s normal for most everybody, except maybe a scientist or some type of professional.

So today’s little tiny goal is to drink, drink, drink.   This is still the one thing that I struggle with on an hourly basis.  You know, I add salt to my horse’s diet to make them drink in times of extreme heat or extreme cold.  Maybe I need to really salt my food?   And you know, I’m not using salt these days like I used to, and am not eating the salty food I used to eat.  Maybe that’s something I need to consider.

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts this morning.  I hope you have a wonderful day.

Categories: bariatric, diet, impatient, journal, life, musings, Obesity, personal, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | 2 Comments

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