The Verdict….

Not slipped and as far as they can tell from the barium swallow, no leakage.

The barium wasn’t fun, but it was not too bad either.  Just stood there in front of an xray machine drinking chalky stuff mixed with some fruity liquid while the Xray Dr watched.  No biggie.

He said he could see the band and it is in place.  He also said the fluid was going through much faster than he expected it to go with the band in place.  SO – over to Dr Schmitt office to find out the final verdict.

They did an ultrasound and said everything looked good there.  Then the nurse practitioner came in and drew out all the fluid.  I couldn’t see the syringe to tell exactly how much fluid measured, but she said it had 8cc.  I was supposed to have 8.5cc.  She made the comment that IF the band was leaking, they would expect to see very little to no fluid in the band.  She said it is possible that some ‘may’ have evaporated.  (I don’t know if I buy that or not).  She put in all new fluid, and I did see the measurement on it 9.5cc.  She was very worried that it would now be too tight.  I am to be really careful this weekend and have only liquids for a day or two then soft stuff in teeny amounts.

On the way home I was thinking and wondering if maybe they had made a mistake in writing down how much they have given me over time.   But it still doesn’t explain why I had really good restriction after the last fill and then lately have felt almost none.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

Right now I’m sipping a protein shake and I can tell a good difference.  I am over 8 months into this and really thought that by now would be so much farther along.   I am hoping that it is right this time.  My plan for now is to really be careful with my protein and make sure I get the 60 gms that I need (I’ve been lax about that), and as soon as it cools down start back hitting the track in the evenings.


Categories: bariatric, diet, healthy, journal, lap band, liquid diet, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss, whine | Leave a comment


I really don’t know what exactly is going on inside me. I had a fill in June which brought me up to 8cc in my 11cc band. I had immediate and satisfying feeling of restriciton. For several days after that I could eat no more than 1/2 of a cup of food at a time – which was great. Over time, the feeling of restriction has gone away. I don’t really feel the band that much any more. I’m not sure if it is ME –  Maybe it’s something I’m not doing correctly.  I’ve been really beating myself up about it and that only makes things worse because I tend to be an emotional eater…. I re-read ALL the instructions this weekend as to how to live with the band and I seem to be fine there.  I have had no carbonated drinks and that’s usually the big thing that causes band problems.  

Or just maybe it is leaking or  it has slipped. I did get very overheated while riding in Tennessee and dry heaved for about 2 hours. I just don’t KNOW. I have an appointment this Thursday to get a Barium Swallow Test done. I’m hoping it gives me some answers…….
I am majorly bummed over this. My weight loss sputtered out and I’ve lost a whopping total of 30 lbs and am really struggling with keeping it off. This is not fun or what I signed up for.

Life has been a bit hectic for me during the past few months with all the  family issues so I haven’t been on top of this situation like I should. 

Really frustrated right now. I truly believed that by this time in the process I would be well below 200 lbs.  Keep me in your thoughts – hopefully I will get an answer.

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It’s been a month

Since I’ve been here.  I’ve been in a bit of a funk diet wise.  Yes, I’m still eating healthy for the most part and with the days being longer, I’m getting a good bit more exercise.  Most nights I get home from work and don’t even go in the house until almost dark.  I’ve been riding the horses and camping a lot – all of which leaves almost NO down time to blog or read or even surf the internet much any more.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I sat down to just watch a TV show!  lol

On the weight loss front, I was at a stand still for 3 weeks.  Didn’t go up or down by even a half pound.  It was extremely frustrating.  Then when I quit stressing about it, I dropped 4 lbs in 2 days.  Yes that’s right between this past Friday morning and Sunday morning I dropped 4.  Yes I got on and off and on and off that scale (which mocks me mercilessly), it said the same thing every time.  I even drug hubby in and made him get on just to be SURE that it wasn’t broken.  (digital scale) It’s not broken, it’s telling the truth!  🙂

And hubby it seems has dropped from a 36 inch waist down to a 32 in two months.   *sigh*  It is just NOT fair!!

I am starting to see the weight loss in little areas that are completely unexpected.  When riding Saturday, it felt like my riding boots were flopping around on my feet.  I am down a full pants size and wearing things that I haven’t worn in a long time.  Looks like both hubby and I will need a new wardrobe soon!



Me and Dusty tackling the rock fields last Saturday at the Walls of Jericho




me and Patches at Bankhead National Forest – 03/31/12



Feb 26  Bankhead












Categories: bariatric, diet, exercise, healthy, high blood pressure, hypertension, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

125 Things I Did to Lose 125 Pounds

LOVE this list!

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It just hit me out of the blue today that I am 1/5 of the way to my goal weight of 150.  Thinking about it like that makes it seem SO much closer and more attainable.  When you think about losing 100 or even 80 lbs – it seems overwhelming.  Well in my mind it does anyway.



So the next goal is the next 20 to bring me to 2/5 of the way there.   🙂



Categories: bariatric, diet, journal, lap band, life, struggle, stubborn, thoughts | 2 Comments

Oh dear….

I haven’t been here in like forever…..  I apologize for my lack of participation in the cyber blogging/writing world.  Life has been extremely busy for me and sometimes I honestly expect to meet myself coming around a corner!

The good news is that since my last visit to Dr Schmitt’s office on Feb 6, I have lost a total of 8 lbs.  Not too shabby I suppose.  I have been REALLY trying to eat right.  So I guess it is working.  I begged the nurse to give me just a little more fluid but she said if it ain’t broke she isn’t fixing it…….  grrrrrrr……  I’m gonna have to work a LOT harder if I’m going to get into a shorts or swimsuit body by summer.    *sigh*   I guess the best things in life are worth working for, eh?

I am eating a lot more fruit and raw veggies.  I haven’t had beef in – well I don’t remember the last time I had beef – I have been substituting ground turkey for ground beef in our veggie soup.  I have been eating chicken, and an occasional egg, sometimes a little fish or shrimp.  I had fish tacos at a local restaurant a few weeks back and LOVED LOVED LOVED them.   I am not eating bread any more with the exception of some cracker things called Wasa bread.  One or two of those a day is satisfying my carb craving.  Lunch every day is a green salad with cubed grilled chicken and fruit.  Oh yeah, I’ve been eating blue berries every day too.  I expect any morning to get up and see my skin turning Smurf blue!

The bad news is that I’ve now lost enough that my underwear is starting to sag on me and I go around pulling up my jeans.  It is terribly irritating, and I can’t ever think to put a belt on.  Of course I could get some thongs and be in style with my pants drooping past my butt!


Errrr, maybe NOT!!!!!


It won’t be long and I’ll be looking for another size smaller clothes – I guess that’s a good thing, lol


Anyway, peace love and healthy living to you all!



Categories: atkins, bariatric, diet, exercise, healthy, high blood pressure, impatient, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, realize band, struggle, stubborn, thoughts, weight loss | 4 Comments

I’m deleting my old myspace profile and came across this

It was a repost from back in 2009.  I honestly don’t remember who wrote it, but I personally think it’s timeless……


Posted by a friend on her Facebook blog…..

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are not Cinderella and he is not Prince Charming and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn’t weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 2 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that you aren’t being punished, it’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every possibility.

Categories: bariatric, diet, exercise, musings, Obesity, personal, struggle, thoughts | Leave a comment

Hooo Boy….

I can tell a BIG difference with that little 2 cc of liquid added.  I got a bit stuck at lunch today and it seemed to take ….f-o-r-e-v-e-r….  for the bite of grilled chicken to finally go on down.   I only managed to eat about 1/3 of the grilled chicken salad from TJ’s in Albertville.  It was really good – I asked them to dunk the chicken in Teriyaki sauce.  mmmmmm

Seems that I’m a slow learner because I got stuck again at dinner.  I made sort of a breakfast casserole type thing. – Crumbled and cooked a pound of sausage, added about 1/2 pound of hash browns, cook until taters are done, top with well beaten eggs (I only had 5 and would have added 8 if I had 3 more).  Turn heat off and keep stirring until the eggs are cooked.  Topped with shredded gouda cheese and enjoy.  I had a bit of light sour cream, guacamole and salsa with mine.     Really good stuff.  At about the 5th bite, I was stuck.  Darn it.   After being patient for about 2 minutes, the clog finally cleared.  The time that I’m stuck seems to go so slowly.   I simply MUST learn to take teeny tiny bites and eat much slower.

I forgot to mention, I got baby chickens yesterday.

Blue laced red Wyandottes

And Golden Laced Wyandottes

I figured I may as well grow my own eggs since we’re eating so many of them these days.  And if we have extra, I’ll either give them away to family or sell them.   I can’t wait.  The babies are only 2 days old now and it will be probably late summer before I see any eggs, but that’s ok.

I intend to get some Silver Laced Wyandottes later on – they are a bit rare and the hatchery won’t have any to sell until mid summer.

Categories: bariatric, chicken, cooking, diet, eggs, food, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, weight loss | Leave a comment

Fill number 2….

Got the second fill today.  I now have 7 cc of liquid in my band.  Came home and made some soup for dinner.  I didn’t really follow a recipe, but here’s what I did:

cubed up 1 lb of chicken breast and 1 large onion – saute in butter

In another pot,

1 box of chicken broth

1 can of diced chiles

1 can of tomato paste

1 jar of home canned tomatoes

1 can of black beans

1 can of white beans

1 can of hominy

1 can of mexi corn

2 chicken bullion cubes

1 cilantro cube

taco seasoning to taste

bring to boil and add browned chicken and onion  – simmer 15 minutes

I also took about 1/2 package of low carb tortillas, cubed and browned in butter before adding to the soup.


I had about a cup of it and was full.   Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking that I want something sweet so I got a banana muffin.  WRONG choice.  I managed to eat about half of it before I got that familiar feeling of – UH OH – Houston we have a problem!!  I tried stretching my chin to the ceiling, standing up, twisting around, jumping up and down…….   Needless to say, it would NOT go down.  Oh well.   Guess that’s the end of my bread/muffin eating days.  🙂

Oh yeah, and I’ve lost 4 lbs since last visit.  I’m hoping that this little bit of extra will get me really rolling.

Categories: atkins, bariatric, cooking, diabetes, diet, food, healthy, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, personal, protein, realize band, soup, thoughts, weight loss | Leave a comment

Stress and comfort food

I’ve spent the past 20 hours or so at the hospital with my Mom who we believe had a mini stroke.  In the past 24 hours, I haven’t eaten exactly the best of foods.  Hospital cafeteria food is ‘ok’ I guess, although not too much flavor there.  I didn’t keep my liquid intake up because of the issue of having to go down the hall to use a bathroom – nothing like going to the toilet when you can hear everything through paper thin walls…..   When I got home this evening to take a nap and rest, I was craving pasta big time.  Made a pasta salad and basically ate until I was almost sick feeling.  It was SO good.  I don’t allow myself pasta often, in fact almost never these days.  Hopefully that will settle my nerves and comfort me for a long time.

In an hour or so I’ll be off to bed for hopefully a restful night of sleep.  Tomorrow I’ll go to work for a couple of hours and then back to the hospital to take back the bedside vigil.  My Mom is one of my reasons I am on this journey.  I don’t want to reach her age and be in the same physical shape.  She is a diabetic and refuses to take the medication.  She is very obese and can’t/won’t lose the weight.  She has become very sedentary over the past couple of years.  And I am terrified for her.  I just hope that this will be a wake up call and she will open her eyes to see that her lifestyle is shortening her life by years……

Categories: atkins, bariatric, diabetes, healthy, high blood pressure, hypertension, journal, lap band, life, musings, Obesity, realize band, struggle, thoughts | Leave a comment

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